When I meet someone who is deeply into a certain form of art, I ask them what work of art of that form best represents "perturbance", which is, to a first approximation, the obsessive control that a cluster of mental content has over us when we are in an insistent emotion-like state. Grief, romantic love ("limerence"), and urges of addiction are the best examples.

I recently attended Betroffenheit https://dancehouse.ca/portf..., a dance show, finishing its world tour in Vancouver. In the pre-show talk, Max Wyman interviewed the choreographer. The extremely talented and articulate Crystal Pite (Kidd Pivot productions). After the talk, I asked him the same question about dance. He said "This is it, what you're going to experience tonight". He should know, as he is a noted dance historian. Still, I wondered whether it just happened to be fresh on his memory. But no. He was right. That show really conveyed perturbance, in two of its most powerful forms: grief and addictions.

The show is no longer running But there is apparently a DVD. http://www.imdb.com/title/t... . I wouldn't recommend it while grieving. But I think it could potentially be a helpful to prepare ourselves for grief, a protracted emotion that anyone who lives a long and rich enough life will have to deal with more than once. I don't think there's any full inoculation though. Grief is the price we pay for loving.

The show itself has been on my mind a lot since then. I typed this out in nvALT.

Thanks again for all the sharing you do, Brett.

Sorry for your loss. We said goodbye to our lab Lola 4 years ago. It still hurts sometimes, but time makes it easier. Take your time to grieve.

I'm sorry for your losses, Brett. I've seen this float around as a Facebook meme a bit recently, but it's great advice on grief. https://www.reddit.com/r/As...

On the smoking bit, maybe two weeks at most? The physical habits take a lot longer. Keeping something to fidget with helped me with that.

More than 15 years later, I’m finally figuring out how to grieve for my first mariage. And your post rings very many bells. As always, I’m impressed by the courage you have to talk about this so openly. Hang in there.

You have my sympathy. I volunteer for a UK charity called Cruse, which helps people with bereavement. Some people find this conceptualisation helpful:

http://www.loistonkin.com/g...

No-one can know how long it will take them to make sense of something, ascribe meaning to it, and fit it into their personal narrative. We constantly need to adjust our stories. Some adjustments are very big. Your teacher was selfish and lacking in empathy. They were demanding that you do something for them, when they should have been doing something for you. Make sure you do things for you.

Sorry for your loss. And take your time mate, your girlfriend is so right- there's no "right way" to grieve.

While Emma and Bonnie didn't get along, for whatever reason, i'm sure she would say that Emma's butt smelled like a good dog. Bonnie turns 15 shortly, and both Emma and Chance's passing sadly reminds us to be grateful for every minute that we have with her.